Taking Thom back to Robin Hoods Bay

Last weekend we returned to RHB. It's the first time Thom has been back since we scattered Claire's ashes back in Dec 2014.  I went with a close friend and her girls. To see how big Thom is now compared to how little he was back then made me realise how much time has passed and I couldn't help reflect on how much we've done in the time in between and how proud of what we've done. We went to the beach and Nia said look at the sun Rich....and and there was a rainbow around it as it was setting. I'd not seen that before and to see it there was a very special moment. 

I miss you....I miss us....I miss our family.

I want to hold your hand again....touch your skin again.  Laugh together again....kiss again, look into your eyes again.  Walk Thom to school together and have him swing in between us.  Talk to the teacher together about how he's doing. I want you to do his homework with him, to practice his spellings to make his school projects with him.  I want you both to be sat at the kitchen table reading whilst I cook our tea. I want us to lie in bed in a morning with Thom in with us, laughing and hugging and being our family.  I want us to watch a family movie together, to walk together, to do all those things we did......but this time knowing how precious this life is and that time with each other isn't guaranteed.    Life is coming back, I'm enjoying life without you, and I feel guilty of that. I know that healing is happening but it doesn't stop the grief and the feelings of loss.  I love you Claire. We love you Claire...we always will and we always will miss you and the life that wasn't to be. x