The Birdie Song

Thom has a class assembly this morning.  The kids had planned it themselves.  It was all about chicks and chickens as the school have recently got chicks.  Dad is up and he came with me.  That was nice to have my Dad here to see Thom and come along to the school.  He laughed, danced to the Birdy song along with the other parents at the kids request.  I never thought that would happen but what a special moment.  Thom did great and I was very proud of him.   The past few weeks have been easier and I've felt different.  More life returning and I've felt normal. It's been brilliant and a sign that I'm processing my grief and we are moving forward and that's ok.  I know I'll take steps back but I expect that but that's ok.

Missing Mum

Dear Mum, I'd love for you to take Thom to school, buy him clothes, shoes and things.  Things he can treasure and keep as they were a gift from you.  For you to cuddle him, hold him, nurture him and love him.  For you to hear about his day, in person or on the phone.  To develop that bond with him like Kim and Wendy have with him.  To share your love of animals with him and take him to the races or the Donkey Sanctuary like you used to take us.  To have him for the weekend, to read him a bedtime story.  For you to support me in raising him.  For me to ask for your advice.  I may not take it, I may think it isn't suitable but I miss having you you there to ask and share it with him.  I'd love to see how you'd be with him.  Dad has surprised me with the love he shows and how more open he has become and I feel sad to know that we never got to see how you'd be as a grandma. To have him for the weekend, for us to come and visit you..for you to become Nana Shirley and Grandad Dave...that makes me smile writing that. Love you.

Trig Point Reflections

The sea, beautiful and calm, the setting sun reflecting on the water.  The mountains in the distance, shrouded by cloud on their snow covered summits. The coast stretching out as far as my eyes can see.  Two girls playing in the distance who like Thom have lost a parent. Another person who has seen what I've seen and felt what I've felt is close by.  The connection between us and on a level that only two people who've witnessed the death of the one closest to you can feel.  The friendship, the love, the empathy for each other and the paths walked to reach this point right now. the tears, the laughter and the confusion of all of this shared between us. The smiles from strangers walking by not knowing the history but smiling at people embracing life fully.  At that moment I'm on my own sat on top of the Trig point. Thoughts go to Claire and how much she would love this place.  Feeling sorrow that Claire can't see this with her own beautiful green eyes and that I can't share the beauty I can see right now with her.   I also wish Thom was here to see this place and there is a guilt that he's not also here.  I will bring him here and share it with him.....a very special way to end the weekend.  Thank you for sharing it with me. I know it is also a special place full of memories for you also.......x