Letter to Claire

Morning Claire,

I felt the need to write. Maybe you can hear, maybe you can't.  You're not in this life anymore physically at least.  There's so much I want to tell you especially about Thom.  He's growing up to be a most wonderful boy.  He's funny, kind, caring and so strong willed.  Only this morning I said to him, what a great team we are together.  You'd love him now Claire at 6.   He's doing really well at school and got 6 out of 6 in his spellings this week for the second time.  I'm learning this parent stuff as we go along and he changes and gets older.  Spellings I decided to try and learn one word a night and it seems to be working well.  He's just started swimming lessons too and is already in Orange caps.  Last week I sat there and watched him, I was so proud and I know you'd be too.  At the end I gave him a kiss from me and a kiss from you too and told him how proud you'd be of him.  He had a lovely birthday at the village hall.  I decided to have it there again as last year at the house was a little too manic...(i'm learning baby). He had lots of his friends come and our friends and family too.  Paul and Amanda had a Highland cow cake made for him as he's cow mad at the moment. It was brilliant, I wish you could of seen it.  That annoying lady was there at the end and your mum and nanan were getting pissed off with her again, you'd of laughed at them. I hope they weren't too rude to her though.   I got him a new big boy bike for this birthday with good brakes and gears.  It's amazing to see him ride it Claire and it makes me realise how much he's grown. He's only fallen off twice properly since he's started riding so hopefully he's a bit more like me than you in that department.  He has lots of friends at school and is really popular.  He can be a bit shy at first but soon warms up. The other day I saw him playing with his friends in the playground and they were having so much fun together. He didn't see me watching him so it was great to see him in his own environment.  Yesterday we went to a party at a soft play area and I was amazed at how confident he's growing. He didn't need me so much as he used too and played happily with the other kids and at one point told me to go away.  There's so many things we could share Claire and I'll write again.  I've not done this before but today I felt like I wanted too.  We've had some great adventures already and I look forward to many more.  I don't know who I'm writing this for, for you or me, or to your spirit, I just want you to still be part of our lives.  I know you've gone, and that I'm heart broken but I need to involve you in our lives and share this stuff with you as I love you so very much and I miss you terribly and although you died, our love hasn't and nor has your spirit.  I carry you forward as does Thom.  Much love beautiful x