A day of stillness

A day of stillness…..

Today, I’ve done nothing….nothing on my own……I’ve sat by the river, watched the sky, listened to the water……I haven’t achieved anything in the normal ‘doing’ sense. But I’ve achieved lots in the ‘being’ sense……

I’ve had anxiety the last few days….it’s affected my sleep but I’m ok…it needs to be there and i don’t have to control it. I learned that today…I don’t need to escape it (although that would be my tendency) and keep busy to control it. I’ve just let myself be and feel whatever came up and as a result I feel more connected to myself and the world. What happened to me was an awful thing which i had no control over…..we don’t have any control over anything other than ourselves I realize….and the way we can control outselves isn’t rying to control our feelings, it’s letting them be there and feeling them. It dawned on me earlier, that this is what letting go means and not letting our loved ones go…it’s letting go of the illusion of control. Oh…and yesterday I laughed so so so deeply and it felt amazing…I was hysterical and couldn’t catch my breath. i laughed like a child with no worries or concerns. I love who I’m becoming however difficult some of my feelings are. They are mine, and they are there for a reason. Much love x